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momma diaries

16 Jan

Diclaimer…Stop reading now if you are skirmish, or you’re just too good to read about the intricate deets of poop.

As a momma to an infant, I’ve come accustom and all to familiar with blowouts. I’ve even developed a rating for the ever beloved dirty diapers. On a scale of 1 to 10, a 1 being a cute little skid mark, and a 10 being leakage that goes all the up the back-to the neck-and around the front. I’ve even got it down to a science to ensure maximum diaper coverage and minimal leakage. I can sense them coming, I see little Miss tense up, lock eyes with me, and then comes the squirting sound….I wait, she relaxes, goes back to her smiley self…and then comes one more round of focus-like-there-is-no-tomorrow pooping from her. Quickly I pick her up (only holding her under her arms to ensure I don’t touch her full tushy or the hoover damn may burst) and take her to asses the damage.

Since about week two she never had a blowout at night…I mean never-ever-ever. Every night when she wakes up to eat, I change her simply because she taps into her inner niagara falls while sleeping, and ends up with a ten pound diaper by 2am. The only problem is that she HATES to be changed in the middle of the night, throws a cryin fit on me, so I’ve gotten pretty good at doing it quick-quick-quick.

So 2am rolls around last night and I have the golden ticket idea to just change her in her crib quick before I feed her. I’m all, she probably won’t even wake up and I’ll be back to bed in half the time because of my genius idea.  As I get the wipe and diaper ready and walk over to her crib, I’m beaming with pride that I am adapting so well to mommahood…I turn her over and open up her diaper and what do I find but the hugest-most-biggest-blowout I’ve seen to date (ok…maybe not the worst, but still like a 6). Momma confidence deflated, I carefully pick her up, diaper half-open and all, and put her on the changing table…and the screams come…you know it’s a good blowout when you debate taking a picture just to have photographic evidence to show the mr. for the next morning. I was all, “look what I had to deal with…this totally earns me double momma points…” But I didn’t take a pic…because it was dark, and that would be just plain weird…kind-of…
Maybe she was getting back at her ‘rents since she went down so early and we actually got to watch an ENTIRE MOVIE sans baby girl.
Either way, it was an eventful night in the Fink household, poopies and all.