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momma diaries

16 Jan

Blowouts.
Diclaimer…Stop reading now if you are skirmish, or you’re just too good to read about the intricate deets of poop.

As a momma to an infant, I’ve come accustom and all to familiar with blowouts. I’ve even developed a rating for the ever beloved dirty diapers. On a scale of 1 to 10, a 1 being a cute little skid mark, and a 10 being leakage that goes all the up the back-to the neck-and around the front. I’ve even got it down to a science to ensure maximum diaper coverage and minimal leakage. I can sense them coming, I see little Miss tense up, lock eyes with me, and then comes the squirting sound….I wait, she relaxes, goes back to her smiley self…and then comes one more round of focus-like-there-is-no-tomorrow pooping from her. Quickly I pick her up (only holding her under her arms to ensure I don’t touch her full tushy or the hoover damn may burst) and take her to asses the damage.

Since about week two she never had a blowout at night…I mean never-ever-ever. Every night when she wakes up to eat, I change her simply because she taps into her inner niagara falls while sleeping, and ends up with a ten pound diaper by 2am. The only problem is that she HATES to be changed in the middle of the night, throws a cryin fit on me, so I’ve gotten pretty good at doing it quick-quick-quick.

So 2am rolls around last night and I have the golden ticket idea to just change her in her crib quick before I feed her. I’m all, she probably won’t even wake up and I’ll be back to bed in half the time because of my genius idea.  As I get the wipe and diaper ready and walk over to her crib, I’m beaming with pride that I am adapting so well to mommahood…I turn her over and open up her diaper and what do I find but the hugest-most-biggest-blowout I’ve seen to date (ok…maybe not the worst, but still like a 6). Momma confidence deflated, I carefully pick her up, diaper half-open and all, and put her on the changing table…and the screams come…you know it’s a good blowout when you debate taking a picture just to have photographic evidence to show the mr. for the next morning. I was all, “look what I had to deal with…this totally earns me double momma points…” But I didn’t take a pic…because it was dark, and that would be just plain weird…kind-of…
Maybe she was getting back at her ‘rents since she went down so early and we actually got to watch an ENTIRE MOVIE sans baby girl.
Either way, it was an eventful night in the Fink household, poopies and all.

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becoming momma

19 Dec

Motherhood is a strange thing…for 9 months I tried to prepare for what I thought motherhood would be like…but words can’t really describe how life has changed or the emotions that have run through me that I never knew existed until becoming a momma.

There have been amazing, beautiful and indescribable moments, and then there have been rough, ugly and messy moments. But somehow God eases us into being a momma with 9 months of sacrificing your body to grow a little baby, and then…after the baby is born, they sleep nearly all the time to help easing into the whole momma gig even more. For me, some of the hard moments came unexpectedly. I was adjusting to taking care of a little human, and I had to work at balancing my new life of being a momma, wife, friend, etc…

I expected not to get a lot of sleep, but I assumed the result of minimal sleep would just make me tired during the day. I figured I’d be tired, so I could just take naps to remedy the sleep I lost at night. But, what caught me off guard was how the lack of sleep took a toll on me emotionally. I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster that I couldn’t get off of, I would over-react to things I normally wouldn’t care about. I became weepy, and sort of felt like I was living in a tunnel, a constant circle of feed, sleep, poop, feed, sleep, poop. I love taking care of Lucia, but I felt overwhelmed at night-time, almost dreading it because I knew how little sleep I’d get. Everyone told me that the sleepless nights of waking up every 2-3 hours wouldn’t last for long, but while in the middle of it, it felt like an eternity. Slowly the nights got better, and Lucia started to sleep for longer stretches. Now she wakes up about two times a night, some nights more, some nights less, but overall I feel like we’ve made it through the worst of sleepless nights.

There were two things I researched endlessly before Lucia was born, breastfeeding and sleep schedules. I read books about this stuff, read blogs and talked endlessly with other mommas…I wanted to breastfeed my baby, and I set my goal for 1 year of breastfeeding. Thankfully, nursing has gone really well, and we had very little trouble getting Lucia to latch on, and my milk came in really quickly, and I haven’t had problems with not producing enough milk. I’ve thanked God over and over again for this blessing of being able to nurse Lucia. We haven’t had to use formula at all, she has only ever had momma’s milk, and I’m so grateful that it has worked out for us. I know that every baby is different, and that sometimes breastfeeding just doesn’t work, so I’m that much more thankful that this hasn’t been an issue for us.

The other struggle for me was how I tried to control her sleeping schedule. The first couple weeks Lucia slept almost all the time, then as she started to become awake for longer stretches, then I got ahead of myself and started thinking she was supposed to be on a strict schedule. I started treating her like she was a 4 month old, when in reality she was just a newborn. I expected her to be on a set schedule, all day, every day, and it just wasn’t realistic for her at that time. I overwhelmed myself even more by reading too many blogs and books, and started to feel like we were ‘behind’ in sleep training and that I was doing a crappy job at this whole momma-thing. I began obsessing over it, and it was all I could think about, constantly looking at the clock.  My sister gave me some really good advice…stop reading the blogs and books, and just watch for the signs and cue’s Lucia gives you. I stopped watching the clock, and started watching Lucia…if she showed me she was tired by yawning, having droopy eyes or becoming fussy-I started to soothe her and put her to sleep. If she woke up from a nap and was content, I didn’t feed her right away, but waited until she showed me she was hungry. I stopped feeling guilty for letting her nurse herself to sleep or sleep in bed with us at times. I eased up on myself and started to change the way I thought…I started to think more in generalities than specifics…knowing she usually wouldn’t stay awake for more than an hour or two-I keep an eye on the clock and remembered what time she woke up. It’s been freeing to let go of such a strict mindset. We like to go out on the weekends, which means her naps aren’t the best, but I want her to be able to roll with it and adapt…sometimes after a busy weekend, Mondays are a little hard for her to nap, but by Tuesdays she’s back on track with sleeping.  I know what our long-term goal is for her and her sleep schedule, and I’ve stopped thinking there is one narrow road to get there. I’ve realized that I need to ease up and not put so much pressure on myself, or on her-she’s a baby, and we’ll eventually get to more of a schedule with naps, and we’ll eventually get to her sleeping in her own room in her crib. But for now, we are content with where we are.

It’s all a learning process, and I’m sure-just when I think we’ve got one thing under control, another challenge will arrise…but I’m loving it!

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